In May 2014, I entered a rehab centre in Vancouver, BC for 12 weeks following a short stay at Vancouver DayTox. It was my first time in rehab.
Although not always a model inpatient, when asked by my counsellor to write a letter to my addiction I took this opportunity to get very serious. Sitting in the quiet of my room at night on the window box seat with the alley light providing the only light to my paper, I began writing. This began a significant turning point in my recovery process.
Letter to my addiction: dated July 21, 2014
You stole my daddy from me when I was 3. The moonshine triggered him to put the gun to his head and pull the trigger. So the story goes. I wanted my daddy to share special times in my life, like my birthdays, graduation, Christmas. I even wanted him to get to know his grandsons. But, you, Addiction, Yes You ~ stole all those precious times from us. Daddy died a lonely, defeated man, alone in a downtown Vancouver rooming shelter.
But, you weren’t satisfied yet, were you? Oh no! You were just getting started. Next, you targeted my baby brother. Oh sure, you thought you could win again, didn’t you? Well, how dare you try to steal my baby brother after you had already stolen my dad? Did you think we were easy targets? How dare you make my mom, who does not drink and loves us so much, disown her only son. What kind of heartless pig are you? Did you feel like you were wearing a badge of honour? Well, you can rip that badge off and toss it because my brother sure showed you how things will be done and who is boss. He beat you at your game with the help of rehab and the Lord.
Just when we thought that you would be gone forever you reared your ugly head yet again. This time it was my husband and the father of our 5 children. There was likely no coincidence that my husband’s father was afflicted by your horror as well for many, many years.
It appears you have zero boundaries and morals because you weren’t finished yet. Why would you steal an innocent young man’s life? My nephew did not deserve the death sentence that you inferred upon him. His innocence was stolen by you. You have brought me to rehab because my life was a slippery slope. I felt your pushes and pulls to draw me back. You’re the silent force that ruminates in my head.
You came into my life at a time when I was searching …. searching for what? A new meaning to my life, perhaps. But you took on an identity all of your own. You tried to be someone I am not, trying ever so hard to steal my identity and create an identity that represented someone else.
That someone else was the narcissistic, alcoholic man I was in a relationship with and thought I was in love with. You tried so hard to make me become just like him. And, in many ways, you succeeded. The drinking, the swearing, the rudeness to others are all ways you tried to take over my life. I am better now and I see right through that. My inner beauty, strengths, beliefs, morals, values, love and desire to be a whole person are strong. And, for the first time in a long time, I believe that “I am worth it.”
July 21, 2014
Dear Addiction,
Take your shit, your dirty crappy fucked up cheating, lying, thieving way of life and all the evil that comes with it and go to hell where the sun don’t shine.
Get off this planet forever. I hate you. You are despicable. You are evil. You have attempted to destroy me, my life, and my family but I am much stronger than you will ever be. You will never, ever have another piece of me or my family ever again.
You are now locked away in solitary confinement for eternity, and you will never see the light of day in my life ever again.
Signed
Sherry, Author | An Angel Walks Beside Me
Although not always a model inpatient, when asked by my counsellor to write a letter to my addiction I took this opportunity to get very serious. Sitting in the quiet of my room at night on the window box seat with the alley light providing the only light to my paper, I began writing. This began a significant turning point in my recovery process.
* this is raw emotion written while in rehab in the depths of my addiction ~ I share this in hopes of helping others
~ bless you for your courage and strength ~
Addiction is: A pathological love and trust relationship with an object or event
Letter to my addiction: dated July 21, 2014
You stole my daddy from me when I was 3. The moonshine triggered him to put the gun to his head and pull the trigger. So the story goes. I wanted my daddy to share special times in my life, like my birthdays, graduation, Christmas. I even wanted him to get to know his grandsons. But, you, Addiction, Yes You ~ stole all those precious times from us. Daddy died a lonely, defeated man, alone in a downtown Vancouver rooming shelter.
But, you weren’t satisfied yet, were you? Oh no! You were just getting started. Next, you targeted my baby brother. Oh sure, you thought you could win again, didn’t you? Well, how dare you try to steal my baby brother after you had already stolen my dad? Did you think we were easy targets? How dare you make my mom, who does not drink and loves us so much, disown her only son. What kind of heartless pig are you? Did you feel like you were wearing a badge of honour? Well, you can rip that badge off and toss it because my brother sure showed you how things will be done and who is boss. He beat you at your game with the help of rehab and the Lord.
Just when we thought that you would be gone forever you reared your ugly head yet again. This time it was my husband and the father of our 5 children. There was likely no coincidence that my husband’s father was afflicted by your horror as well for many, many years.
It appears you have zero boundaries and morals because you weren’t finished yet. Why would you steal an innocent young man’s life? My nephew did not deserve the death sentence that you inferred upon him. His innocence was stolen by you. You have brought me to rehab because my life was a slippery slope. I felt your pushes and pulls to draw me back. You’re the silent force that ruminates in my head.
You came into my life at a time when I was searching …. searching for what? A new meaning to my life, perhaps. But you took on an identity all of your own. You tried to be someone I am not, trying ever so hard to steal my identity and create an identity that represented someone else.
That someone else was the narcissistic, alcoholic man I was in a relationship with and thought I was in love with. You tried so hard to make me become just like him. And, in many ways, you succeeded. The drinking, the swearing, the rudeness to others are all ways you tried to take over my life. I am better now and I see right through that. My inner beauty, strengths, beliefs, morals, values, love and desire to be a whole person are strong. And, for the first time in a long time, I believe that “I am worth it.”
July 21, 2014
Dear Addiction,
Take your shit, your dirty crappy fucked up cheating, lying, thieving way of life and all the evil that comes with it and go to hell where the sun don’t shine.
Get off this planet forever. I hate you. You are despicable. You are evil. You have attempted to destroy me, my life, and my family but I am much stronger than you will ever be. You will never, ever have another piece of me or my family ever again.
You are now locked away in solitary confinement for eternity, and you will never see the light of day in my life ever again.
Signed
From my heart to yours,
be kind to yourself
Preview An Angel Walks Beside Me on Amazon at AnAngelWalksBesideMe
be kind to yourself
Preview An Angel Walks Beside Me on Amazon at AnAngelWalksBesideMe
Follow Me on Twitter @ysocialmediaca
Sherry, Author | An Angel Walks Beside Me
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