I decided that before I get too far ahead of myself, that I should probably start at the beginning and explain why I decided to tell my story. And, why I'm doing it now rather than years ago. Since this was important to my family and friends, I'm thinking that it is likely just as important to my readers. So here we go. After publishing my book, I really did not know if I wanted to share with the people closest to me what I had done. I mean I was really letting it all out there, sharing my deepest pain and mental health struggles, and I was unsure of whether I really wanted to deal with them knowing all that personal 'stuff'. So I waited. I published my book and did a bit of promotion and just like that a few books sold. I even ran a free promotion on Amazon and gave away almost a dozen books. I got a few book reviews here and there, but then came the day that I got emails from Amazon telling me that I would be receiving payment for book sales at the end of the month. I was thrilled, so I decided this would be a great time to share with my family and friends on Facebook that I had written and published An Angel Walks Beside Me.
I received a lot of "good for you, you're awesome, can't wait to read your book" type of responses along with a few sales. It was also interesting the significant number of people who did not respond at all; people that I thought would be really happy for me and would want to read my book. However, having said that, this is also not your average novel that you pick up to read at the beach either and hence the importance of this blog post. We are all at different places in our life at different times and just because now is a good time for me to publish my story does not necessarily make it the right time for people I know to want to read what I have written. My book is for a very select audience, in fact I hope most people never ever have to read books like this. But, for the parents that do need it, I have written this for you.
It took me nearly 30 years to get to this point, I am completely at peace with sharing my story, mostly because a few years ago I made a number of changes in my life. I moved back to the interior of British Columbia from the coast and I completely took alcohol out of my life. From there I asked who the heck am I and do I even like the person that I have become. It wasn’t easy but these questions got me started on the difficult road ahead of answering these questions. One of the most important things I figured out during this time was that I had fallen out of love with myself. In fact, I was very self-destructive and in fact. I hated myself. I kept hurting myself over and over again. I mean how many times did I have to get hit over the head with the frying pan (figuratively, of course) to learn that love begins with looking in the mirror and seeing me. It will always be a work in progress, but this grounding has come with much love & respect for myself that was so long overdue. Staying grounded was the key ingredient for me to get where I am today, where I am at peace with my past, and to finally be able to share my story without guilt or shame. I gave myself the gift to stop blaming myself for the death of my daughters for the words I had spoken while I was pregnant. On the surface that may sound simple, but for me, that took nearly 30 years.
Talking about grief is never easy. It can range from awkward to silence to avoidance and a whole gamut of other things. Often times, people mean well but their words can even hurt the person they are trying to comfort. I wrote my story to help those who experience the many difficult situations that arise over the years following the death of their child. No parent should ever experience burying a child, no matter what the age of the child. Some children's lives are measured in utero, some in minutes, days, weeks, months or years. The amount of time does not matter. They are our children and we have the right to grieve them. I was made to not feel alone in my crazy world by another grieving mom when I was lost in my grief and I want to let others know that they too are not alone. I made it and so can you. We walk together with our children. So, if you find it too difficult to read my book right now I completely understand. This book is definitely not for everyone. But, perhaps in the future, you may find it useful during the various stages of grief. Either way, the book will always be there for you if you need it.
As a side note on the book, the extra white pages in the book is no mistake. During my grief, I found it very helpful to have room to write in my books. This was especially helpful when re-reading the book because I could see what was troubling me before and be able to see my progress. The smallest amount of progress can be so rewarding.
From my heart to yours, be kind to yourself
Preview An Angel Walks Beside Me on Amazon here
Follow Me on Twitter @ysocialmediaca
Sherry Author | An Angel Walks Beside Me
I received a lot of "good for you, you're awesome, can't wait to read your book" type of responses along with a few sales. It was also interesting the significant number of people who did not respond at all; people that I thought would be really happy for me and would want to read my book. However, having said that, this is also not your average novel that you pick up to read at the beach either and hence the importance of this blog post. We are all at different places in our life at different times and just because now is a good time for me to publish my story does not necessarily make it the right time for people I know to want to read what I have written. My book is for a very select audience, in fact I hope most people never ever have to read books like this. But, for the parents that do need it, I have written this for you.
It took me nearly 30 years to get to this point, I am completely at peace with sharing my story, mostly because a few years ago I made a number of changes in my life. I moved back to the interior of British Columbia from the coast and I completely took alcohol out of my life. From there I asked who the heck am I and do I even like the person that I have become. It wasn’t easy but these questions got me started on the difficult road ahead of answering these questions. One of the most important things I figured out during this time was that I had fallen out of love with myself. In fact, I was very self-destructive and in fact. I hated myself. I kept hurting myself over and over again. I mean how many times did I have to get hit over the head with the frying pan (figuratively, of course) to learn that love begins with looking in the mirror and seeing me. It will always be a work in progress, but this grounding has come with much love & respect for myself that was so long overdue. Staying grounded was the key ingredient for me to get where I am today, where I am at peace with my past, and to finally be able to share my story without guilt or shame. I gave myself the gift to stop blaming myself for the death of my daughters for the words I had spoken while I was pregnant. On the surface that may sound simple, but for me, that took nearly 30 years.
Talking about grief is never easy. It can range from awkward to silence to avoidance and a whole gamut of other things. Often times, people mean well but their words can even hurt the person they are trying to comfort. I wrote my story to help those who experience the many difficult situations that arise over the years following the death of their child. No parent should ever experience burying a child, no matter what the age of the child. Some children's lives are measured in utero, some in minutes, days, weeks, months or years. The amount of time does not matter. They are our children and we have the right to grieve them. I was made to not feel alone in my crazy world by another grieving mom when I was lost in my grief and I want to let others know that they too are not alone. I made it and so can you. We walk together with our children. So, if you find it too difficult to read my book right now I completely understand. This book is definitely not for everyone. But, perhaps in the future, you may find it useful during the various stages of grief. Either way, the book will always be there for you if you need it.
As a side note on the book, the extra white pages in the book is no mistake. During my grief, I found it very helpful to have room to write in my books. This was especially helpful when re-reading the book because I could see what was troubling me before and be able to see my progress. The smallest amount of progress can be so rewarding.
From my heart to yours, be kind to yourself
Preview An Angel Walks Beside Me on Amazon here
Follow Me on Twitter @ysocialmediaca
Sherry Author | An Angel Walks Beside Me
