Have you ever thought about what if it was ‘me’ that was living in the Vancouver Downtown Eastside. I do, and by the Grace of God, I am not living there. However, that doesn’t mean that my life is ‘better’ than those who do find themselves living there. Let me rephrase that. That doesn’t mean that the lives of the people who live in the downtown Eastside are worse people than me. Many of the people who do live in Canada's poorest postal code are there because of unfortunate circumstances.
Complex Health Issues are the most common reasons why people end up living on the streets. So, I decided to check in and find out what my own complex health issues look like. I am only truly qualified to speak about my own complex health issues so I will do that and leave it to the experts to do the diagnosing.
Complex Health Issues are the most common reasons why people end up living on the streets. So, I decided to check in and find out what my own complex health issues look like. I am only truly qualified to speak about my own complex health issues so I will do that and leave it to the experts to do the diagnosing.
As a young child, my father had a severe addiction. His drug of choice was alcohol and his drink of choice was Moonshine. It still makes me shiver to even write the word Moonshine. I capitalize it because I want to emphasize the impact this drug has placed on my life. It destroyed any concept of family that I had as a child. From a very early age, I learned that alcohol was bad and that people who drank alcohol do very bad things to others. I also learned that because of alcohol, or Moonshine in particular, that I would never see my father again. I hated Moonshine and I hated Alcohol for a very long time. In fact, I only finally gave forgiveness to alcohol while I was in rehab for my own alcohol addiction. That was when I wrote a letter to my addiction. I will share my letter in a later blog post. I’m not quite ready to share that yet. Not because I’m trying to hide anything, quite the contrary. Rather, I feel that it was a process for me to get to that point in my life, and in my addiction, before I could actually stare down my addiction and speak from my heart. As I share my experience with you, I'll take you to the place where you will understand the true depth and meaning that was intended.
Going back to what is described as complex health issues, I know that I likely fall right smack dab into the middle of that category. I’m not much for labels but the truth of the matter is that unless I identify with something then I won’t get the help and treatment that I need. So, fine I will say that I fall in that category. I’ve experienced trauma in my life and for some people even just one of the events that I’ve been through would have been enough to push them over the top. Others have been through much more trauma than I have been through and they are more stable than I am. In my opinion, it’s unfair to make comparisons because so much more goes into it than what we see on the surface. I remember my post-secondary studies when we talked about the “iceberg”, referencing what is below the surface as being the unknown about a person and that only when we begin to peel back the layers of the onion do we begin to see what is below the surface of the water, like under the iceberg. That is a simple analogy that has stuck with me.
When it comes to my life and dealing with my own trauma, for some reason I learned to compartmentalize my life. That was probably the easiest way for me to cope with my issues. I don’t know if this is normal or not. I only know that it is how I have dealt with it in my life. So, for the most part, I only bring out what I need when I need it and I leave the rest in remission in a compartment tucked away. It never truly goes away, it is always there and sure, it will try and resurface but it is up to me to work my hardest to keep it from blowing like a volcano blows its top. Okay, enough with the silly clichés but I just wanted to give a picture of what it’s like to actually live with so many complexities when it comes to mental health, and how this forms identities and affects peoples lives.
From my book, AnAngelWalksBesideMe, (Amazon) you already know that at the age of 30, I naturally conceived and gave birth to my triplet daughters, Jana, Jessica, Laura. My daughters were born prematurely and sadly their lives were cut short. You also know that at a very early age my father left our family to live a life with alcohol. Years later, when I received the news of my father’s passing it was heartbreaking to learn the small tidbits of his life, living in a rooming house in Vancouver with not much more than a few personal possessions of no real significance.
I don’t want to traumatize my audience, that is not my intention, but the truth is that my life has been complicated by a number of complex health issues that happened to me that I didn't necessarily have control over, but have found myself being very deeply impacted by them. My focus is to talk about what I have experienced and how the complexities of these situations have long lasting effects.
Going back to what is described as complex health issues, I know that I likely fall right smack dab into the middle of that category. I’m not much for labels but the truth of the matter is that unless I identify with something then I won’t get the help and treatment that I need. So, fine I will say that I fall in that category. I’ve experienced trauma in my life and for some people even just one of the events that I’ve been through would have been enough to push them over the top. Others have been through much more trauma than I have been through and they are more stable than I am. In my opinion, it’s unfair to make comparisons because so much more goes into it than what we see on the surface. I remember my post-secondary studies when we talked about the “iceberg”, referencing what is below the surface as being the unknown about a person and that only when we begin to peel back the layers of the onion do we begin to see what is below the surface of the water, like under the iceberg. That is a simple analogy that has stuck with me.
When it comes to my life and dealing with my own trauma, for some reason I learned to compartmentalize my life. That was probably the easiest way for me to cope with my issues. I don’t know if this is normal or not. I only know that it is how I have dealt with it in my life. So, for the most part, I only bring out what I need when I need it and I leave the rest in remission in a compartment tucked away. It never truly goes away, it is always there and sure, it will try and resurface but it is up to me to work my hardest to keep it from blowing like a volcano blows its top. Okay, enough with the silly clichés but I just wanted to give a picture of what it’s like to actually live with so many complexities when it comes to mental health, and how this forms identities and affects peoples lives.
From my book, AnAngelWalksBesideMe, (Amazon) you already know that at the age of 30, I naturally conceived and gave birth to my triplet daughters, Jana, Jessica, Laura. My daughters were born prematurely and sadly their lives were cut short. You also know that at a very early age my father left our family to live a life with alcohol. Years later, when I received the news of my father’s passing it was heartbreaking to learn the small tidbits of his life, living in a rooming house in Vancouver with not much more than a few personal possessions of no real significance.
I don’t want to traumatize my audience, that is not my intention, but the truth is that my life has been complicated by a number of complex health issues that happened to me that I didn't necessarily have control over, but have found myself being very deeply impacted by them. My focus is to talk about what I have experienced and how the complexities of these situations have long lasting effects.
As I look ahead to the coming months, I am looking forward to sharing more of my stories. After my parents split up, my life became a bit more interesting as my step-dad is of Japanese-Canadian descent. These made for interesting times in the 60s. He was obviously not my "dad" but he was the only father I ever knew and loved. However, speaking of that, growing up as a child not know who my real dad was or if that was him standing over there brought a sense of abandonment into my life. I married, had children, my babies died and then I learned that I was married to an alcoholic. It was the summer of 2003. We had just buried our friend who took his own life, our marriage was hanging on by shreds, and lightening strikes. The hottest summer on record and we had a firestorm. Our home plus 200+ other homes burned to the ground. This wasn't just local news, this was international news.
If you are thinking that you are overwhelmed, then you're in luck, I will just quickly mention that in my next relationship I was Addicted to a narcissistic alcoholic who believed in public humiliation. Addiction is a powerful thing. I didn't realize how powerful a hold he had on me because I needed him. I had just lost my job, my career was gone, after being relentlessly bullied in the workplace and writing a damn blog about it. I thought the blog was quite humourous but my employer did not find any humour in it at all.
Wouldn't you know it, just when I thought things were going to get better in my life, my back went out, severe spinal stenosis! I fell through the cracks of the medical system and this is why I believe that I too could have ended up living on the Vancouver Downtown Eastside -- until the night I almost killed myself mixing alcohol and medication.
Enter Detox, Enter Rehab. Not a pretty site. This was not celebrity rehab.
I live a sober life now, each day with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and borderline personality disorder (ya think!). Those are my mental health illnesses. There are a few other things I picked up along the way like diabetes, thanks to my father's genes.
I am grateful that I have had the support in my community by medical professionals and from my 2 sons who have never given up on me to get through the good and the bad days.
Articles of interest on the troubled legacy of Vancouver’s Expo 86 and the Downtown Eastside can be read here.
From my heart to yours,
Sherry, Author | An Angel Walks Beside Me
be kind to yourself
Preview An Angel Walks Beside Me on Amazon at AnAngelWalksBesideMe
Preview An Angel Walks Beside Me on Amazon at AnAngelWalksBesideMe
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Sherry, Author | An Angel Walks Beside Me
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